


love me also in silence

by perksofbeingaiko



Series: a forever we both can share [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:59:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7378996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perksofbeingaiko/pseuds/perksofbeingaiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>The Dingles weren’t exactly the model of perfect marriages, and Aaron couldn’t shake the feeling that he was just going to be the next Dingle in line. </em>
</p>
<p>Or, Robert and Aaron’s wedding day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love me also in silence

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of things: 
> 
> 1) I went with Sugden-Dingle because, while I didn’t want Aaron to lose his Dingle identity, I would be damned before I would let Robert lose his Sugden identity. Fight me.
> 
> 2) I left Andy’s presence ambiguous because I honestly couldn’t decide how I felt about him being at the wedding versus _not_ being at the wedding. So, if you’d like, you can pretend he was there, just not involved.
> 
> 3) Lots of instances where “who” should be “whom”, and y’all…I was struggling not to correct myself. But Aaron doesn’t strike me as the sort to differentiate. Not that many of you will care either way, but /I/ care.
> 
> Title from _Say over again… (Sonnet 21)_ by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
> 
>   
>  _…Who can fear too many stars, though each in heaven shall roll,_   
>  _Too many flowers, though each shall crown the year?_   
>  _Say thou dost love me, love me, love me—toll_   
>  _The silver iterance!—only minding, Dear,_   
>  _To love me also in silence with thy soul._   
> 

It couldn’t have been later than 8 a.m. when he felt two pairs of hands repeatedly smack at his body, forcing him awake. He hadn’t gotten much sleep that night, with the fact that he was sleeping in his old bed that had been converted into a guest room when he moved in with Robert combined with the thoughts jumping around in his head about all he’d need to do in the morning before the ceremony. It left him restless, and the over-excited faces of Adam and Liv as they pushed his body awake weren’t helping.

“Alright, alright! Get out,” he groaned, pulling the pillow from under his head and pushing it over his face to block them out. The pillow was ripped from his grip and used as a tool to further smack him awake by Liv.

“The wedding bells are chiming, mate. Get up, you need to get ready. Vic’ll murder me if you’re late.”

“Unless you’re having second thoughts, which I wouldn’t blame ya for,” Liv added, unhelpfully. She and Robert had gotten along better, but, just like Chas, there’d always be that animosity between them. Aaron was just glad Liv’s pranking tirade was over.

“The only second thoughts I’m havin’ is havin’ the two of you in charge of anything.”

“Aww, don’t be like that. It’s a special day for us, too. Our little Aaron is growin’ up,” Adam teased, making Aaron take the pillow back from Liv to throw at him, missing when they both ran from the room laughing, Adam shouting that he had fifteen minutes before they’d be back with Chas in tow.

The door slammed shut, and Aaron stared up at the wall, trying to digest his feelings.

Nervous? _No, too strong._

Excited? _No. Well,_ yes _but, no._

Scared? _Definitely not._

The problem wasn’t that he was scared or that he thought Robert might change his mind, just the opposite. The problem was that there _wasn’t_ a problem. Everything had been going really well for the both of them, and Aaron had never felt more sure about something in his life than when he had proposed to Robert.

But then why did he feel like his knees would give out from under him while also feeling like he could float with the way his heart swelled at the thought of getting legally bonded to someone for the rest of their lives, until they were, at best, old and nagging like Val and Eric had been, or, at worst, divorcing after building a life together and ending up sad and alone, like Lisa after Zac?

The Dingles weren’t exactly the model of perfect marriages, and Aaron couldn’t shake the feeling that he was just going to be the next Dingle in line. He groaned, finally pushing himself out of bed before Chas could take her turn rousing him.

He shoved himself into a pair of trackies and a sweatshirt, knowing he’d be changing into his suit soon, forgoing the gel just yet as he searched for his phone amidst the tangled sheets on his bed. He’d gotten a few messages from Moira who had taken charge of making sure the barn was all set for them, and a few congratulatory texts from people who were coming anyway, so _why’d they have to text?_

There was a last one, sent at 5 in the morning, around the time Aaron had managed to actually fall asleep.

**From: Robert (5:07 AM)**  
_Vics already awake so I’m already awake. It’s alright tho, couldn’t sleep anyway. Too excited ;) x_

Aaron sat back down on his bed, reading and re-reading Robert’s words and letting them calm him. He hadn’t said much, but he didn’t need to.

_You have nothing to worry about. It’s Robert_ , and that was enough.

“Aaron, I swear if you are still in bed! Don’t think you’re too old for me to drag you down by your ear, ‘cos I will,” Chas shouted as she ascended the stairs, giving Aaron that extra push to start the long day ahead of him.

********

Paddy drove them down to the barn, which had been cleared out for the ceremony, while Chas alternated between tearing up and fussing about Aaron’s suit, reaching from her seat behind him to straighten his lapel or dust invisible lint off his arm. He let her be, knowing if he kicked off about it, she’d just go back to crying, and between both her fussing and Paddy’s jokes that never _quite_ met their mark, he’d be lucky to even make it to the wedding without throttling them.

He was ready to tuck and roll out of the car once Paddy started slowing down, his suit be damned, but he settled down and waited for the car to at least come to a full stop before hopping out and heading straight for Cain and Moira’s house, letting Chas and Paddy follow behind at their own pace.

Robert would be getting there soon, but since he had more of a hand in the actual coordination of the ceremony and reception, Aaron was left to haunt the house until everything was ready. The home itself had its own commotion, with Moira and Holly weaving around each other as they got ready and Cain, Zac, and Joanie huddled around the kitchen, Zac popping up in excitement when Aaron came inside.

He was passed around from hug to hug, Moira stopping in her search for her bobby pin to press a kiss to his cheek, smearing lipstick on his skin that he had to force himself not to rub off with his suit jacket. The rest of the Dingles would be coming in separately, the whole lot of them making up about half the wedding attendees themselves. The rest would be miscellaneous people from the village, most of which he at least knew, but didn’t necessarily want to invite. He didn’t really understand what it was about weddings that made people you barely even spoke to want to suddenly celebrate the most important day of your life, but there it was.

By noon, he had started to get antsy.

The wedding was scheduled to begin at 1 p.m., and the waiting was killing him. It wasn’t like he had his hair and makeup to do, but his mum had insisted that he get ready early, and now he had nothing to do but wait.

He couldn’t even sit down without Holly and Chas nagging about getting wrinkles in his suit, so all he had left to do was pace between the kitchen and living room, the space no more than 30 feet across. Everyone had finally left to go take their seats by 12:30, except for Paddy, Chas, and Cain, and he was in no mood to chat with them. His stomach was starting to twist with nerves again, and he could feel himself shaking from it.

“Love, come here,” Chas said softly, patting the spot next to her on the couch and shrugging at the fact that it meant Aaron would have to sit down. “It must be a cold day in hell, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you have no reason to be scared. You and Robert, well,” she paused, choosing her words carefully, “you both clearly love each other more than any of us could understand. You’ve both been through hell, most of it _his_ fault, ah ah!” she tutted, stopping him from interrupting, “but, you’ve both made it through, stronger for it. He is lucky to have you, Aaron, and I’m just so glad that you’ve got someone who will love you as much as you deserve. Because you deserve everything,” she cut herself off before she could start crying, judging by the tightness of her voice.

Aaron stood up, pulling her up with him and into a hug, whispering a _thanks_ and breathing in her perfume, closing his eyes and just letting himself be held by his mum. They pulled away and he cursed himself for being like his mother in this, with tears forming in his own eyes as he looked at her and then across at Paddy and Cain, both uncharacteristically silent, letting mother and son have their moment.

Five minutes till, Cain left them to join Moira while Adam and Liv replaced him, both now dressed and looking frazzled from last minute decoration changes and an apparent situation that involved a candle and a bin fire that neither of them really wanted to talk about. They had all agreed early on that Vic and Liv would walk down the aisle with April as flower girl in front of them, followed by Adam with Leo who would be carrying the rings, then Aaron with his mum and Paddy, and finally Robert with Diane.

They had also immediately decided that “Here Comes the Bride” probably wasn’t appropriate.

Everything started to blur as Harriet wrangled the wedding party together, Aaron standing outside the barn on one side, presumably with Robert on the other. The whole separating thing was becoming increasingly more annoying, and didn’t even make sense since neither of them were a _bride_ , but they’d already gone along with it this long, no sense in ruining it in the last minute.

_We should have just done this at court_ , Aaron thought, not for the first time, but every time he had mentioned it, mostly at the start, he saw the way Robert’s lips would twitch into a frown before plastering on the signature Robert Sugden Charm, complete with a plastic smile and vacant eyes.

_“Whatever you want, so long as you’re happy.”_

And he would watch the way his mum and Diane wouldn’t even try to conceal their disappointment at the thought, and he couldn’t do that to them. Not if the only reason was because he was afraid of the way people would be staring at him. It was a wedding. That was _the point_.

Soon, there was music announcing them in, and Chas looped her arm with his, ushering him down the aisle with Paddy following closely behind. The walk down the aisle passed in a haze of people taking photos on their phones and Lisa reaching for his hand quickly with a teary smile, and suddenly he was standing before Harriet with Adam and Liv behind him, with all there left to do was wait for Robert.

He wasn’t even allowed the customary _Oh, God, what if he’s stood me up?_ panic before Robert and Diane turned the corner, and-

_Oh._

He hadn’t expected it to feel this way. He’d seen Robert in suits nearly every day since they met, and they were just standing in a barn with remnants of hay they couldn’t quite manage to clear out, but he didn’t expect it to _feel like this._

Like how just the sight of Robert in his grey suit that matched Aaron’s own, with a maroon tie to compliment Aaron’s navy, was making him breathless and dizzy.

Like how it was taking all of his self-restraint to not meet Robert mid aisle and just hold him.

Like how he couldn’t imagine loving Robert more than he did right at that moment, as Robert winked at him and flashed that wide, crooked smile. His genuine one. The one that had no ulterior motives or false charm.

The smile he reserved for Aaron.

While his own walk down the aisle had been a too-quick blur, it was nothing compared to the way time seemed to crawl while Robert came closer, Aaron wanting - _needing_ \- him to just _get up to the altar and marry me already._

He’d never been this soppy before, but _everyone’s allowed one day, dammit_ , he thought to himself as he stared up at one of the lights that had been strung up along the barn’s ceiling, willing himself not to cry before anything even began. He had always cried easy, but after years of bottling his emotions and waiting until he was left completely alone before letting himself _feel_ anything, it was like a dam had broken, and his heart had taken up permanent residence on his sleeve, betraying him.

Robert’s hand found his own and the clamminess of his palm made Aaron feel better, knowing that it wasn’t just him that felt the weight of the moment bearing down on him. Harriet nodded at the guests, gesturing for them to settle before giving the pair a smile.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two men in matrimony,” Harriet recited, and Aaron forced himself not to fidget. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, and though he knew _that’s the point_ , he couldn’t help but wish it was just him and Robert, without the pomp and circumstance. He blinked and shook himself from his thoughts when Harriet began gesturing to the pair of them.

“…should not be joined in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.” She paused, customarily, and Aaron bit his lip against a laugh at the way Robert braced himself for someone to come forward with their objections, his face mostly joking, but Aaron knew part of Robert – and Aaron himself, if he was being honest – felt that it wouldn’t be all too surprising if someone _did_ come forward to object.

But the moment passed, and Harriet continued her speech, with words usually saturated in Catholic tradition altered to better fit the group before her, “husband and wife” easily traded for “two husbands” and not a hiccup apparent in the alteration.

“Robert and Aaron have elected to recite their own vows at this time,” she said, gesturing for Robert to begin. Aaron was thankful for Robert taking the lead. Again.

Robert squared his shoulders and let his body lean closer to Aaron’s.

“I said, once, that fighting with each other is what you and I do, and for a long time I really believed that, and I think you did, too. That no matter how much we loved each other, we would always fight with each other just as much. But things have changed, in so many ways, and I hope you know that the man who thought fighting with you was some cute thing that we do, I’m not going to be him anymore.

“Instead, I’m going to be the man that fights with you, but on your side, as your best friend and partner.” Robert smiled and leaned in to whisper to Aaron, “Sorry, got a bit cheesy there,” he said with a wink before pulling back. “I love you, Aaron. I love you because you’re patient with me and forgiving, and I promise to be just as patient, understanding, and forgiving with you.

“When we met, I didn’t deserve you. Everyone in here,” he said, looking out at the guests with a self-deprecating smile, before turning back to Aaron, “knew that I didn’t deserve you. And while I know you’ve moved past it, I haven’t, and I probably never will. But I promise you, Aaron. I promise that I will be the man you deserve, every day, and that I will never stop proving just how much I love you. I will be your partner in everything, and always show you that we are equals. We’re in this together, you and me, and I’ll never stop wanting you; Today, tomorrow, and for the rest of our lives. No matter what happens, Aaron, I will _always_ love you.”

Distantly, he could hear someone sniffling, and if he looked over Robert’s shoulder, he would’ve seen Victoria clutching her hands together under her chin as she watched her brother admit to feelings most people never thought he could be capable of having. But Aaron couldn’t move his eyes from Robert’s, and wouldn’t have wanted to if he could.

This man if front of him, the one who wouldn’t let a word of his sexuality pass his lips for years and could wax eloquent to strangers with saccharine words and lies but shook with avoidance from honesty was willingly laying his emotions out for everyone they knew to see, and Aaron couldn’t believe he could manage to love Robert even more.

Aaron cleared his throat, laughing from the tension as he dragged the back of his hand over his cheeks to catch the tears that - _of course_ \- had fallen.

_Overwhelmed. That was the word._

Aaron blew out a breath to steady himself before he began. “Every day since we made us official, you’ve shown me how much you love me. You promised me that I could rely on you, and you haven’t ever gone back on that. More than rely, I can _trust_ you, and I promise never to take that for granted. I promise to love you and respect you, and fight on your side like you said.

“You’ve seen the worst parts of me but loved me anyway. You made a home for yourself in me family, whether the lot of them liked it or not,” he added, nodding to his guests that were, like the village itself, 70% Dingle. “You made a place for me mum and Liv, and I never want you to forget how grateful I am for that. So, Robert, I promise you that I will support you like you’ve supported me, and love you as you are, and for whoever you become. I promise to build a life and family together that will be better than anything I could ever imagine having if I didn’t have you.”

The room was quiet as their words clung and tugged at one another, before Harriet placed her hand over Robert and Aaron’s clasped ones, gesturing to Robert.

“Now, Robert, if you will repeat after me: ‘I, Robert Sugden, take Aaron Dingle to be my lawfully wedded husband,’” Harriet said with Robert repeating the words back as he kept his eyes on Aaron. Aaron couldn’t really focus on the repeated words with Robert’s written vows still ringing in his ears. When it was Aaron’s turn to repeat the promise of love and honor, of un-circumstantial devotion for _the rest of their lives_ , he meant every word.

He’d do right by Robert, no matter what.

Harriet turned to little Leo, smiling as Adam bent down to give the rings to him for Leo to pass over to Harriet, letting him do his part. Aaron felt the smallest twinge of guilt that Andy’s kids weren’t part of the wedding, even though they were Robert’s actual niece and nephew, but…

_Well, things just hadn’t worked out that way, had they?_

Harriet held the ring up for the guests to see, giving her last speech about the symbolic nature of the wedding ring, before passing the first over to Robert. “Repeat after me: With this ring, I thee wed.”

“With this ring,” Robert said with a smile that he kept genuine, despite the both of them biting their cheeks at the cheesiness of the moment. Whether it was to defuse the tension building up, or because the weight of the ring was the final sign that _Oh, right, this is real. This is really happening. I’m actually marrying Robert Sugden_ , Aaron let out a small laugh as Robert slipped the ring on to his finger with the words, “I thee wed.”

“Aaron, if you would please repeat after me: With this ring, I thee wed.”

Aaron took the ring from Harriet, the metal warm as he placed it on Robert’s left hand. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Aaron watched as Robert stared down at his hand, squeezing when Robert’s hands began to tremor as he lifted his chin to beam at Aaron. Aaron felt his whole chest constrict with love, and _great, I’m crying again._

“…I now pronounce you Misters Sugden-Dingle. You may now kiss your groom,” Harriet concluded, and Aaron didn’t need to be told twice. He leaned in, his hands automatically holding on to Robert’s chest as Robert’s found his cheeks, and Aaron’s head grew dizzy from the clapping and the feeling of _relief_ that flooded through him.

_Finally, finally, finally._

When they broke apart, Adam wasted no time in pulling Aaron into a hug, passing him along to Chas and Liv, giving everyone else the excuse to break into disorder, with chairs scraped against the barn’s floor, everyone barely waiting their turn before grabbing for Aaron, hugging him and patting his cheek before passing him along to the next person. He could barely see Robert over the wave of people, but he could see him locked in a hug with someone, and Aaron would bet money it was Victoria.

Harriet’s hand on his shoulder signaled the crowd to clear out and start setting up the reception, Harriet guiding Aaron toward where Robert stood with Vic and Adam. Harriet showed Vic and Adam where to sign as the witnesses, and Aaron let himself fall into a hug with Robert, the two of them swaying on the spot as they held each other, before the second wave of frenzied wedding madness began.

Too soon, Vic ushered them outside for photos, which, for the most part, were relatively painless. He could have done without the way many of the girls and the Barton boys teased as Robert and Aaron took their photos together, embarrassment flooding Aaron’s cheeks red before the onlookers were shooed away by Chas and Moira.

********

As nightfall began, ladies’ shoes had been kicked off in favor of more comfortable flats or bare feet, the lanterns hung illuminating the barn against the darkening sky. The caterers had cleared out the food and cake had been passed out, with the kids drooping with sleep as their sugar rushes began to crash, and the music began to slow for the last few dances.

Aaron was ready to let the night end, and judging by the way Robert’s tie had loosened and Adam and Liv began transferring the wedding gifts into Adam’s car, they would be leaving soon. Robert had gotten them a room out in Hotten, just something to tide them over until the next afternoon when they’d be heading out to their long-overdue trip to Barcelona.

He surveyed the room one more time, giving a quick kiss to his mum’s cheek, not managing to dodge a too-tight hug – the nth one of the night – or the all-encompassing hug Paddy pulled him into before heading out to his own car. Liv and Adam had mud tracked along the bottom of their slacks, Liv’s blouse pulled free from the waistband and her hair disheveled. He hugged her sleepily, patting her hair down until she pinched at his side to let go.

Sixteen was a good look on her. She’d gone through enough to send her into early maturity, and she wasn’t so quick to be a brat for the sake of it. Despite this, she was still his pain of a sister, and socked Robert in the arm when he approached before giving him a quick hug. He watched Robert roll his eyes and look back at her, rubbing his arm from the impact.

Aaron wasn’t so blindly besotted to think that, while nothing had gone wrong on the surface, things hadn’t kicked off at the wedding. Cain and Charity had disappeared not long after the vows, and Adam’s jaw would clench tight every time he thought Aaron wasn’t looking, but Aaron couldn’t think about the whys and hows when Robert slumped himself down in the passenger’s seat, leaning his temple against the passenger door window while he waited for Aaron.

When he got in the car, he let himself take a moment to just look at Robert whose eyes blinked sleepily as he looked back at him. Aaron wanted to remember that moment, their first moment alone as Robert and Aaron _Sugden-Dingle_. Robert brought his hand out to hold onto Aaron’s, bringing his knuckles up to kiss them before nodding his chin out to the road, gesturing for Aaron to make their way to Hotten.

He had expected to feel a shift, now that he was no longer a _he_ but a _we_ , but he altogether felt the same. Like how you feel when you’ve got a major birthday milestone coming up, but then once the day has come and gone, you realize nothing’s changed. He and Robert had been a united front for years, and today just put a word to the feeling.

_Husband._

He was someone’s _husband_. He was _Robert’s_ husband.

And he knew he’d spend the rest of his life trying to be worthy of that title.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, my dears. Think of me like Tinkerbell, I need validation to live. Comments are highly welcomed.  
> As always, I’m at [strongboyfriends](http://strongboyfriends.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, and I’m taking fic requests.


End file.
